Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
