so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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