I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
