she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
