if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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