absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
