haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
