Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
