he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
