I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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