I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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