Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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