If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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