the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
