We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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