i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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