bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
