I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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