everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
