Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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