Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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