I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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