When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
