Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I smell stomach acid.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
