A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
