used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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