Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
