Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
