There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
