Your mouth is God's brothel.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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