Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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