you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
