In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
