I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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