My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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