I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
