I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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