GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
