I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
