I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i think i just lost a toe
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