It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
