dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sorry about my life...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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