In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
