I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
