I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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