i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
