I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
