So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
