So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
