do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
