She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
