you're like a bully in the Christmas story
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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