Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
