Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
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Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
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Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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