god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
