So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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