I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
