He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
