Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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