Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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