so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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