Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
