i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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