Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
