There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
