Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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