yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
