I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
