You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
