just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
someone owes me an orgasm
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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